Coping with a break-up amid social distancing

BY SIDDHI JAIN

New Delhi, May 29 There is no right time for the break-up and we guess there will never be one. Throw in an invisible potentially fatal virus that is spreading at an expeditious rate globally, lost jobs or work-from-home shifts, economic uncertainty, being isolated in lockdown, worrying about daily essentials, and the normal breakup stress level multiplies by a thousand.

Beejal Gosai Psychologist, Mpower – Cell lists what one going through a breakup should expect and how to cope during this unparalleled time.

Difficulty in letting go

This is the most difficult step that comes with any normal breakup – be it holding on to the person or memories. In these times when we are forced to isolate ourselves from the outside world to add on to those woes of a lost relationship, are bound to make one feel lonelier than ever. We may tend to hold on to the memories that we created with a person more than ever which may help us feel less lonely. It is important to know what you deserve and who you want to become from the lessons learned in this relationship. Focus on building a relationship with yourself.

Feel your feelings

Please allow yourself to grieve. You will grieve the person you once were, the person who was less heavy with this kind of feeling. You will grieve the future and the memories that you had thought you would make with them by your side. You are allowed to grieve the loss of the relationship you once had. So accept it and allow yourself to feel the hurt, pain, and in certain cases also the feeling of being wronged. In the times when we are not allowed to have physical social support, make the utmost use of the technology to receive support from your friends and families who will be ready to be with you from afar. Use apps like Skype, Zoom, Team link, Google duo, FaceTime.

Let this situation sink in

When in a relationship, we often tend to be dependent on our partner or at some point in time, his or her presence helps us regulate our emotions or help us manage our lives in a more organized way and when that person is gone, it is very difficult to come into terms with the reality. After the initial pain and shock subside, it is important to try and put things into perspective. Maybe several issues had been festering within the relationship and a breakup had always been a distinct possibility. It is important to ponder over the lessons you learned from this relationship and to also take care of your emotions which are probably all over the place at the moment. Treat yourself with compassion and kindness but most importantly, be there for yourself.

Stop overthinking

The last thing that you would want to do post break up is overthinking. Don’t overthink things like what if your old flame gets a partner and you don’t? After a breakup, it’s highly possible that you will think, rethink, rewind, replay, analyze, and dissect past moments. Do not get trapped in questioning yourself �what-ifs’ in your head. That is a vicious cycle and will just lead you in a spiral downward cycle. Instead, focus on what made you leave the table or relationship in the first place, what unhealthy signs you ignored just because you were too afraid of losing the person, did you notice any red flags in the relationship, what you do not want to allow in your future relationships. It is always important to remember that a break-up can actually make up for all the lessons that you never thought you needed. So keep the eyes open.

Bottom line

Even when they are the right thing to do and probably the most important thing to do, breakups are painful. If you follow through with your plan to break up, make sure you stay focused on good self-care. Whether your turn to journaling, reading self-help books, or online therapy by seeking help to a professional, use this time to focus on your own healing process.

(Siddhi Jain can be contacted at siddhi.j@ians.in)