Kangana Ranaut: I am naive. I trust too soon. Yes, I’ve been having too many alarming incidents – but I don’t want to change

Mumbai, May 4, 2016: What image or thought comes to your mind at the idea of standing along with Amitabh Bachchan to get the National Award, with both of you being multiple-occasion winners now?
I can’t say how a reader or a viewer sees it, but for me it’s a bit like Alice In Wonderland. Many emotions are flying around in my mind at the moment. On April 28th, I completed ten years in films. To stand with the Mahanayak of Hindi cinema to accept an award like this – for me, it is extremely gratifying. I, however, don’t know how a viewer reacts to seeing a relatively younger girl like me standing next to someone of the stature of Mr Bachchan occupying the same space.
I’ll tell you what my perspective is on seeing the two of you together in one frame. I see the eternal Angry Young Man of Hindi cinema and the Angriest Young Woman of Hindi cinema sharing a common space.
(Laughs) Oh… well… umm… I think anything that brings me into the same space as Mr Bachchan, I would not deny it, I would take it, I would love to be the ultimate angry woman!

Wouldn’t a documentary on your life very probably be titled Kangana Ranaut Ko Gussa Kyun Aata Hai?
I don’t… I don’t see anything wrong in expressing my emotions, though people are currently taking it the wrong way with the kind of accusations and agendas they have.
I’m not coming from the space of the last three months. Nor is it an accusation. I’m just saying that if one reads interactions with you over months and years, you always seem to have a boxing glove just behind your back and are looking to throw a punch – it could be a person, an issue, whatever. From childhood memories till today. So I’m just curious – do your friends describe you as difficult, as someone quick to get angry?
Not at all. Not at all! My friends, or people around me – they find me disturbingly patient. Because I have a lot of patience. It wouldn’t have been possible for me to last all these years in the industry without having that focus.
I won’t say that when I came to the industry, I had these qualities. But I developed these along the way. Because it would have been impossible to achieve so much with an ordinary temperament or ordinary sorts of reactions to things. As a teenager, I was reckless, I was impatient. Sometimes even irrational. But growing up, I learnt a lot and I realized that to get your point across, to make a really strong statement, you have to try incessantly, perpetually. When I try to reach out to people, I try to make sure that I have that approach – that I reach out, not shut down.
It’s not that my passion has died or my attitude has mellowed with age…
What ‘age’?
No, when you’re 17 and when you’re 29, there’s a difference, you know. At 17, you feel that you want to change the world, and at 29, you want to change yourself (laughs)! Somewhere in the early 20s, you understand that you want to change yourself and not the world. Somewhere along that way, I’ve learnt to be very patient.
Talking of being reckless and all – in a 2013 interview, you made the point that “being bold on the screen is not dangerous, but when it comes to your opinions and choices in real life, that boldness is a lot more dangerous.” After you realize that, do you still proceed and accept that danger, or do you start taking calls that are safer, take it easy?
See, being bold in your life doesn’t mean that you are trying to cause a certain change in society or are trying to get a certain reaction from people. Being bold as a person is much harder and much more difficult to live with. By being bold, I mean taking a stand that I say no to my father’s overpowering authority over me – but at the same time, I take responsibility for my life. I can’t then turn around and say, I need this or that now, or I’ve failed and how about lending me some money? I’m all over the place, can you fix me, or my life? You can’t say that. If you’re bold, you have to be bold all, all the way. You can’t be bold halfway and then go back from your decisions. That is what I mean. Being bold is not about superficial things or wearing really sensational clothes or saying things. Boldness is an ideology, it is following something to the end. You could be right or you could be wrong – but you should be bold enough to make it your own. That is boldness for me.
In films, it’s not that hard to play a man-eating dacoit or to play a woman who has confidence issues or to play a mutant or to play a married woman having a mid-life crisis. These are bold decisions when it comes to acting. But as a person, the boldest decisions I have made are my own and they have been extremely fulfilling in every way.

Did you at any point look back at some of those bold decisions and say to yourself, you know what, maybe I shouldn’t have been so bold, look where it has landed me?
I wouldn’t say I was a winner all along. I have hit the lowest lows. I have been in situations where I just could not see a silver lining at all. There were moments of doubt, of despair, of questioning myself. I won’t deny that. Being bold doesn’t mean that you will not have moments of questioning.
For example, today, when so much is being said about me, it is not as if I don’t sit back and question myself. I sit back and ask myself if there is a social ability that I lack since I am offending so many people. Is there something I can do about my personality which can maybe make my life a little easier? But the thing is, if there is such a thing, after all my trying, it has not been revealed to me yet. And I can’t pretend to be somebody else. I am myself. I try my best to be my best version. I feel I’m doing my best (smiles).
You say you worked to change your recklessness in your 20s, when you realized it won’t work. Is there anything you want to change now, as of today, the position you find yourself in?
Growing up, I was a bit temperamental. It didn’t take me very long in my 20s (to find out) what my gifts are and how to reach out to people.
Today, at 29, I just feel that maybe I live in a very naive world. I don’t deal with too many things in my personality, I think I’m quite happy with my personality. At the same time, I think I live in an artistic world which is very naive. It is very hard for me to come to terms with the realities of life. I think I trust people way too much and probably I can change that a little… I don’t know how to do that, but. Maybe I can be a little bit more careful with what I think of others, rather than thinking that life is a fairytale and everybody out there is a nice person. Maybe that approach is too naive and too childlike and that can change, for sure (laughs)!
But I’m not sure if I want to change that. Because it will do more damage than good. I’d rather be made a fool of than be cynical, you know…
And take the risks that come with it?
Yeah… I would rather be made a fool of, rather get hurt, than be cynical, you know. How do you live like that? If you suspect everybody’s intentions and you are suspicious of everybody – how do you live? I really don’t know if I want to change that about me. But then I’ve been having way too many alarming incidents around me based on that one aspect of my personality – that I trust too soon and I don’t let go of that faith easily in people and in situations. Which is a bit like… I believe in mysticism and spirituality and all that, you know… no, I’m not sure if I want to change that about me.
I saw a 2009 interview of yours, so you were some seven years younger. With a very uncomplicated headline. ‘I have learnt my lessons: Kangana’. Have you, even now? Does it hold true as a headline in 2016? And in the text, Kangana says, “Nobody was my support. You have to support yourself and I think that is the beauty of being a woman. You can handle anything and be ten times better than men”. Has anything changed?
I think I have pretty much followed the same philosophy. Today I’m very much at peace with myself, my personality, with what I am, a successful person at a young age. The lessons aren’t many. Between 19 and 22, I had a huge path of growth as a woman, but after that, I have been pretty much comfortable with what I have been, how I have been.
Talking of mystics and all, did you look to see a soothsayer or an astrologer in the complex times? Where is your karmic chart taking you, that sort of thing?
Oh yeah. I’m a true-blue Hindu. And my personality has a very strong foundation of Swami Vivekananda’s teachings and the Gita and the Sanatan Dharma – and quantum physics. I wouldn’t be who I am today without Swami Vivekananda’s teachings. I love everything about Sanatan. I love astrology.
Anything the astrologer told you in the recent past?
Oh yes, I remember on my birthday, March 23, my mother had this puja and that astrologer said that between March and April, I am going to have a very tough time. Apparently, the Sun and Saturn were into a fight in my central position and I’m like, stop it (laughs)!
When people show a kind of xenophobia to others’ religious practices and call them names and give them a bad light, that hurts. You know, within this country, we have so much shame and blame when it comes to religious practices. Why not? I’m very proud to be Hindu, I do puja, I do Navaratra puja in my house, Durga Maa’s paath is essential, and I do upvaas also. So like I said, I love Sanatan and life is incomplete without the four yoga teachings of Swami Vivekananda. But nobody wants to talk about it. When people ask me what is the reason of your success, I emphasize that when I read about the Science of Action – Karma Yog; the Science of Origin – Jnan Yog; the Science of Love – Bhakti Yog… that’s where my awakening happened, as a woman, as somebody who’s alive. But like I said, nobody wants to talk about it!