Why money can still not buy love or friendship

New York, April 10 

Money can’t buy love or friendship is an old adage and researchers now say that individuals who base their self-worth on their financial success often feel lonely in everyday life.

The findings, published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, emphasize the role of social networks and personal relationships in maintaining good mental health and why people should preserve those connections, even in the face of obstacles or pursuing challenging goals.

“When people base their self-worth on financial success, they experience feelings of pressure and a lack of autonomy, which are associated with negative social outcomes,” said study researcher Lora Park, Associate Professor, University at Buffalo in the US.

“Feeling that pressure to achieve financial goals means we’re putting ourselves to work at the cost of spending time with loved ones, and it’s that lack of time spent with people close to us that are associated with feeling lonely and disconnected,” added Deborah Ward.

Ward said it’s not the financial success that’s problematic or the desire for money that’s leading to these associations.

According to the researchers, when people’s self-worth is contingent on money, they view their financial success as being tied to the core of who they are as a person.

The degree to which they succeed financially relates to how they feel about themselves — feeling good when they think they’re doing well financially, but feeling worthless if they’re feeling financially insecure.

For the findings, the researchers involved more than 2,500 participants over five different studies that looked for relationships between the financial contingency of self-worth and key variables, such as time spent with others, loneliness and social disconnection.

This included a daily diary study that followed participants over a two-week period to assess how they were feeling over an extended time about the importance of money and time spent engaged in various social activities.

“We saw consistent associations between valuing money in terms of who you are and experiencing negative social outcomes in previous work, so this led us to ask the question of why these associations are present,” Ward said.

“We see these findings as further evidence that people who base their self-worth on money are likely to feel pressured to achieve financial success, which is tied to the quality of their relationships with others,” she noted.

Here are 10 things money cannot buy:

1. Love

Money can buy lust, attraction and power…but it can’t buy love. This is because love is something intimate; something heartfelt; something mysterious. Money is none of these things. Money is simply a method of exchange – no more and no less. It’s used to pay for a product or a service; its convenience, comfort, and luxury – none of which typify what human beings truly need.

Many of us find this lesson out the hard way. We accumulate more, only to feel emptier. This is because we are raised in a culture that glamorizes wealth; which, in effect, leads to misconceptions and false beliefs.

2. Truth

Money may be able to buy influence, but truths are the most influential of all.  Oftentimes money is spent to push beliefs or an agenda,  and can even be spent to create biased research to bolster an opinion.  And oftentimes, it’s the money that wins… in the short term.

In the end, no matter how much money is spent on stifling or skewing the truth, it will always be revealed in the end.

3. Time

Each passing minute is time that you will never get back; you are one minute closer to dying. This is meant to be morbid or depressing, but truthful. Our life starts to fade away from the moment we are born.

Despite all of the scientific and medical advances, there exists no practical way to significantly extend life. The extremely wealthy have spent countless amounts of money in the vain attempt to extend their lives only to find out that they die around the same age as everyone else.

No amount of money will be able to turn the clocks back. We must simply take life in, moment-by-moment, while experiencing it to the fullest.

4. Peace

The cultivation of your thoughts is the only thing that will ever bring you true peace. One aspect of this is accepting when bad things happen and turning it into a positive experience.

Look at the countless amounts of money that governments and individuals have spent in the name of “peace”. These vast sums have never been able to come close to what we would define as “peaceful”.

More importantly, your inner peace does not depend on the ‘balance’ section of your bank statement. It’s how you train your mind, set expectations, and define what inner peace truly means to you.

5. Talent

The gifts and abilities that you possess in your mind and body are priceless. While money can certain help develop a talent, it will never be able to purchase a talent or skill.

Aside from innate talent, there is the ability to learn a skill or talent; this will never be able to be purchased with any amount of money. The mental processes and dexterity of the mind and body will never be purchasable…they are invaluable.

6. Health

While certainly true that money can purchase healthcare and medicine, it cannot replace natural health once it’s gone. At the same time, activities like exercise, preventative medicine, and natural self-care costs little to nothing.

It’s almost depressing to see celebrities spend outrageous amounts of money in the vain attempt to keep their “natural beauty”. First off, aging is natural beauty; wrinkling is natural beauty; gray hair is natural beauty. On the other hand, surgical procedures that implant plastic and other medicinal substances into the body? This is not at all natural.

7. Manners/Class

Rude people exist across the entire income spectrum. How to treat someone in a respectful manner obviously does not come from money. Arguably, there are more wealthy and entitled snobs than there are those of modest means.

Money may indeed put you into a “higher class”, but it certainly does not make you classy. Need proof? See Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus. Case closed.

8. True friends

Possessing money may certainly attract people who want to be friends, but it doesn’t guarantee true friendship. Most true friends love one another…and what did we discuss about money and love? The same concept applies here.

True and lasting friends are the ones there during the ‘boom’ and are still there during the ‘bust’. Money and possessions don’t matter to true friends…your person matters.

9. Knowledge

The information that you accumulate, the elements of your intellect, and the ways that you exhibit wisdom can never be bought. Have you ever wondered why some of the wealthiest people seem to act in the most asinine ways? This is because money or something else has influenced their thought processes.

Some wealthy people have stated how money makes them feel ‘invincible’, and as a result, have made some truly bad decisions. So it’s not only the acquisition of this knowledge that makes it invaluable, it’s the practical application of this knowledge…neither of which money can buy.

10. Presence & Acceptance

Perhaps the most important is presence and acceptance – the ability to be mindfully present and accept, without judgment, each and every situation. This tremendous, life-changing gift is not available for purchase; only to those who seek to understand and apply the concepts.

The ability to be present, while accepting each moment as we navigate life is a valuable gift…more valuable than any amount of money. After all, if we are practice presence and acceptance throughout our life, what is the need for money?